The Greatest Post Of All TIme!

Good day all,

Rolling Stone magazine recently released a list of the “Greatest Heavy Metal Albums of all Times” from results gathered from an online poll they performed and in turn posted the results online. Looking at the results of the poll leads me to some interesting (at least in my view) conclusions. First, metalheads do not read Rolling Stone magazine! This is evident for several reasons but first and foremost there was not a mention of Judas Priest or Motorhead in the top ten. Also, the inclusion of Led Zeppelin obviously shows the demographic as people born before 1980, which again leads me to my previous conclusion which is; metalheads do not read Rolling Stone magazine!

Here is a list of what Rolling Stone’s magazine found through an online reader’s poll what the “Greatest Heavy Metal Albums Of All Time” are:

01. “Master Of Puppets” – METALLICA
02. “Paranoid” – BLACK SABBATH
03. “Black Sabbath” – BLACK SABBATH
04. “The Number Of The Beast” – IRON MAIDEN
05. “…And Justice For All” – METALLICA
06. “Reign In Blood” – SLAYER
07. “Appetite For Destruction” – GUNS N’ ROSES
08. “Metallica” – METALLICA
09. “Led Zeppelin II” – LED ZEPPELIN
10. “Ride The Lightning” – METALLICA

Yep, that is the list that their readers decide was “The Greatest”! Now I have  many issues with this list and I will cover as many as I can here in this post but first and foremost isn’t it both presumptuous as well as arrogant to think that these are going to be the greatest metal songs of ALL TIME! Are we to then think that any band that comes after the results of this pool are published will never be able to live up to the music of the past? Is this it? Are there no more up and coming great bands out there? And if this poll is greatest of all times does that mean that Rolling Stone magazine believes that the Mayans were right (if you don’t know what I mean by this please Google “Mayan Calendar”)? Should I stop listening to new metal?

I have personal issues with Rolling Stone magazine to begin with, so like most intelligent metalheads I take this poll with a grain of salt. I recently started getting Rolling Stone magazine again because of a free subscription and after reading the first few issues that I received I came to one very important conclusion: I am not sophisticated or educated enough to read and understand Rolling Stone magazine. I read the reviews in this magazine and have to pull out my dictionary to look up the words the reviewer(s) is using to describe a song or an album. Not everything has to be explained “ironically” and with a hipster slide. I just want to know if the album is good or not. Additionally, Rolling Stone magazine at this point in time is not directed at me or my demographic, I actually felt a little bit creepy that there was a magazine lying around my house with Justin Bieber on the cover in his best Scott Baio pose (again Google it). So, if the demographic for Rolling Stone magazine is 12-year old girls how are we supposed to take a poll conducted by them about heavy metal seriously?

Look at the top ten again and tell me what is missing. I know this is all based on opinion but there are some blatant metal bands that are missing from this list. Not to mention the fact that Led Zeppelin belongs no where on this list. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fan of Led Zeppelin, but they are not heavy metal and don’t try to tell me they are. I understand that Led Zeppelin moved Rock and Roll forward and were revolutionary for their time and were the inspiration of some of the biggest heavy metal acts, but they are not heavy metal. Sure if it weren’t for Led Zeppelin we probably wouldn’t have had Whitesnake or Kingdom Come, but Led Zeppelin is not heavy metal. If you are going to include Led Zeppelin on the list then you also have to include Cream, Jimi Hendrix, and Fleetwood Mac (I mean they did write “Green Manlishi with the Two Pronged Crown).

And four Metallica albums? Here is what this proves to me, the people who responded to this poll have not listened to any type of metal outside of what they have heard on radio and MTV. It is that simple! I am a big fan of Metallica, I think everything they did up to St. Anger was fantastic, I like the Black Album, I really like Death Magnetic, but four albums in the top ten of “The Greatest Metal Albums of all Times”? Not even close bud! And I am absolutely sure if you asked Metallica they would tell you the same thing. I have often had the debate with myself that if I were to introduce a person to metal what would be the album that I would use and “Master of Puppets” is always at the top of the list, but four Metallica albums?

What happened to AC/DC, or Judas Priest, or Alice Cooper, or Ozzy Osbourne, or the many, many other bands that have had far superior metal albums than Metallica’s black album or even Led Zeppelin? How could you possibly even print the results to this poll when you know outright the responses where ridiculous. If I were Rolling Stone I would have been embarrassed to release the results of this poll. To actually think that any metalhead would take these results seriously is preposterous! And maybe that is what Rolling Stone is trying to do, trying to win back the metalhead and expand their buying base. If that is the case then I think they failed.

Look, good for Rolling Stone for trying to give metal a little exposure and credit. I hope that is what they were doing because it kind of smells like they were saying “OK metalheads we did something for you now leave us alone and let us get back to covering Adele”. And if so, hey, that’s great, at least I know where your coming from, but to even have the nerve to title this list “The Greatest Heavy Metal Albums of all TIme” is insulting the intelligence of metalheads. It also shows how clueless Rolling Stone really is on the subject of heavy metal because if they would show it more love their readers would have a better grasp on the genre as well.

Due to this poll I would like the following to happen: 1) Stop calling things “the Greatest ______ of all time”, last time I checked my clock still moves forward and the calendar has a new month. 2) Leave the heavy metal poll taking to the established and knowledgeable metal magazines and websites. Please stop patronizing metal fans with your inept and unbelievable “Heavy Metal” polls. 3) If you don’t cover heavy metal on a regular basis just stick to what you know whether it is Justin Bieber, Adele, or Madonna, it is nothing to be ashamed of, that is what you do, don’t try to use heavy metal to establish street cred.

That should just about do it! True metal fans know the faults with this poll from Rolling Stone Magazine and I know that I am just preaching to the choir, but sometimes it has to be said so that this insanity stops.

Until Later, Peace!

Lurch

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3 thoughts on “The Greatest Post Of All TIme!

  1. First off – Could you write an article about why you didn’t like St. Anger? My friend and I who are big Metallica fans argue over it all the time. I think it is great, prefer it over Load and Reload while he sees nothing but flaws in it. Just curious your take on it.

    I agree with you about this list. It reminds of the time that awards show named Jethro Tull best heavy metal artist over Metallica. It’s okay to try and be hip with metal, but at least show some common sense. I think Master is fine at number 1, but 4 is a bit much.

    Nice post.

    • I didn’t say I didn’t like St. Anger, I said ” I think everything they did up to St. Anger was fantastic” I didn’t think St. Anger was fantastic and Loaded and Reloaded were just wasted albums that I actually forget that Metallica released. Quickly, my first and biggest problem with St. Anger is that there are no solos on the entire album. How do you have a guitarist as talented as Kirk Hammett and not have a single solo in any of the songs? But that is just the beginning of the issues with that album. There are production issues, Lars’ lazy drumming, and terribly written songs in general…too much to mention here. Maybe at some point I will write a post on this album, it seems to garner a fair amount of love/hate opinions. Maybe on the 10 year anniversary next year.

      • I think of all the Metallica albums that one really seems to be either a love it or hate it for Metallica fans. I do understand all your points – I wish it did have guitar solos. I think I just misunderstood your point in the paragraph.

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